Misgivings
by Pinklily8
Summary: "I don't think I realized what I got myself into when I married a fairy." Sabrina's life was supposed to be a fairy tale now, full of surprises and laughter, but her plans have never gone as planned. When problems arise, she must either rise to meet them, or let them crush her under the weight. Set between epilogues.


Misgivings

 _Sabrina_

As soon as I felt the the pain in my stomach, I lurched forward, the internal stabbing feeling worse than a physical kick to the gut-and I've felt plenty of those.

 _No-_

I try to stay calm; false ghosted pains are not uncommon for women like me, at least according to my doctor. I should just keep working, and when-no, no, if, _if,-_ the feeling returns then call somebody about it. But there's no need for that. There's a distinct urge in my soul that if I simply ignore that it happened, the threat will evaporate into a bad nightmare. I mange to get my lip to twitch upwards when I think of the faces of my friends and family fill with relief- _"Another day, everyone. No need to coddle me, I'm just fine."_

Puck, of course, would pretend like he was never worried, and would simply roll his eyes with a comment that everyone was so dramatic. And then, somehow, that usually rude gesture would instill in me a new kind of strength.

I feel a flash of gratefulness for him. He's been unbelievably enduring throughout this mess.

"Mrs. Grimm?" one of my interns asked, like I hadn't just been sent into intense panic.

"Y-yes?" I answered, blinking roughly.

"I finished those papers you wanted done on the new case." he smiled kindly, eager to please. He held the neat stack of papers out to me.

I smiled back at him, pleased. "Thank you," I reached for the documents. He was really shaping up, sure to go places-

Another pain had me seeing double, and the papers fell haphazardly.

 _No, please-_

"I'm sorry," I instantly apologized, trying to help him, but I felt weak and inexplicably drained.

"Oh, it's no problem." he said, gathering the fallen papers while I sat back trying to catch my breath in a discrete fashion. When he tried to offer them once more, his smile fell when he saw my face.

"You alright? You don't look so good."

I waved my hand dismissively, already inching towards the car keys on my desk.

"Mrs. Grimm, a word, if you please."

I suppressed a groan and turned to see my supervisor approaching me. He was an impressively large and nervous man, and was pleasant enough for small talk, but had a tendency to be a real bore at times because of his long winded speeches.

"Yes?" I inquired, brushing a stray bit of hair back that had the audacity to escape my bun.

"Come," he said, motioning for me to stand up, which I did with quivering muscles and wobbling knees, "I need you to come look at an affidavit, something seems a bit strange about it."

I meant to nod, but was overcome by another splitting pain.

 _No, please-heavens-_

The world swayed and, to my eternal embarrassment, I collapsed into my supervisor's arms.

"Mrs. Grimm! What in heaven's name is wrong?"

I let out a small moan and wrapped my arms around my stomach.

I was able to get one shaky word out.

"L-labor."

His usually ruddy face turned pale.

"Saint Peter's grave, woman! What're you doing here still if you're about to have a child?" he exclaimed, his robust, chubby jowls flapping a bit in his emotion.

I wanted to give him a piece of my mind for calling me 'woman', but at that moment I felt very much like a woman. A woman in very intense pain and distress. I gritted my teeth.

"I need to call my husband to take me to a hospital."

He nodded and guided me back to my chair. I sat down and tried to breathe evenly as I fumbled for my phone. My fellow workers of the firm were all casting worried looks in my direction, making me determined to not cause more of a scene.

I was about to hit the send button for Puck's number, but my finger hovered over it. As much as I wanted him to guide me through this mess, I had a sudden desire to keep him safe from this for as long as I could.

In a split second decision, I called Daphne instead. After a short dial tone, she picked up.

"Hey Sabrina!" her voice was cheery, "What's up?"

"Hi, Daph. I need you to-ugh," my voice wheezed at the discomfort.

 _No, please-heavens why-_

Her speech suddenly became serious and upset.

"Is something wrong? Are you...?"

"Get over here and take me to the Faerie hospital as quickly as possible," I moaned, hoping that no one would question that there was no hospital called 'Faerie' in all of New York.

"Just sit tight, I'm coming. Breathe, big sister."

How could she possibly hear the subtleties of my breathing over the phone? I inhaled nice and slow to please her.

She hung up, and I was left to deal all on my own while I waited. Once a few minutes passed, some of my well meaning coworkers asked if they could help me at all, but I just shook my head with a tight smile, insisting that I was going to be taken care of. As my coworkers returned to their normal routines, I overheard two of the women in my office whispering to each other above the pain that seemed to take on a physical noise in my bones.

"She doesn't look quite big enough to be nine months," one remarked nervously.

Inhale.

The other responded, "Well, some women just look smaller, I've heard."

Attempt to exhale. Choke.

"You're probably right," the first replied, though she didn't sound convinced.

My head started to hurt.

Daphne arrived in a fraction of the time that she legally should have, but I didn't reprimand her for fear that I would lose the little energy I had for getting out to her car. As it was, she supported me with a steady hand on my back as we went down the elevator. The downward swooping motion in my gut made me want to hurl, but I spared myself and Daphne the mess with an extreme amount of personal will power. We (well, I) stumbled across the sunny lot to her vehicle. As soon as I closed the door, she peeled off in the direction of Central Park, which, thankfully, wasn't that far from my workplace.

"Have you called Puck yet?" Daphne asked when we were stopped by a red light, her body tense in contrast to her falsely breezy voice. I didn't answer for a long moment.

"No."

She frowned at me. Her voice was clipped, "You've got to. You can't hide this from him. At least, not for long. Better now than later." She moved the car forward as the light flashed green. I looked out at the moving streets. Were the sidewalks supposed to be vertical?

I glanced at Daphne once more, but her gaze was back on the road. With an uneven breath, I took out my phone and called Puck's cell.

"Grimm," I could just see him pacing his office, pinching the bridge of his nose, and tears welled up in my eyes. "I swear, if you're calling so that I can get you peanut butter nachos with pickles again..."

"I wish," I said, trying to tease, but my voice was small.

He caught on quickly, and the sound of his shuffling movements stopped. His attitude took a complete 180.

"Are you alright? Do you need me to come? I can get there in less than five minutes."

For all the mistakes that I'd ever made, I was glad that I made the decision to call Daphne first. I couldn't imagine the mayhem that would have ensued if my overprotective fairy husband had flown through one of the glass windows. Forgetful dust isn't any cheaper for royalty, I'll have you know.

I shook my head even though he couldn't see it. The useless action just served to make me more dizzy. "No, I'm coming to you. Daphne's driving me."

I could practically feel him calm on the other side of the line, but he must of heard the tremor in my words, because his demeanor turned quiet and reassuring.

"Hey," he said softly, "It's going to be okay. You got past that 24 week mark, right? That means there's nothing we should worry about-"

My scream hurt my throat, and I could see Daphne's hands tighten on the wheel.

 _No, please-heavens why-not-_

I can hear Puck yelling my name, but he's cut off when my phone falls from my hand and bounces on the floor, effectively hitting the power button.

When we arrive at Faerie, it seems like a whole legion is waiting for us, but it might've just been my triple vision. I'm deposited into someone's arms and I feel cold compared to their simmering heat. I blink and see the entrance to Faerie's personal hospital and shut my eyes. I black out for a moment, and when I blink again, I'm in a hospital bed and my arms are strapped down to the sides. I realize that I'm struggling and trying to lash out and hit anything because of the pain in my abdomen.

No wonder I was tied down like the wounded animal I was.

 _No, please-heavens why-not again._

The pain was horribly familiar, and the lights were scattering everywhere-the sheets coated red-the shouts of my family-Puck-then the screams that thrashed around the room of a mother for her child, arms holding me in place while tears dripped like rain on my collar.

It takes me a long time to realize that the sobbing that's echoing in my mind is my own.

 _No, please-heavens why-not again..._

 _Don't let me lose another one._

.-.-.-.

 _I was waiting for him, almost unable to contain my excitement. The second he walked into our bedroom, I pulled him to me and jerked his lips down to my own, smiling all the way._

 _He laughed when I finally moved back._

 _"_ _Well, someone's in a good mood."_

 _His eyes sparkled, and I couldn't hold it back any longer. I loved that this was with him._

 _"_ _Puck, we're going to be parents."_

 _His face was dumbstruck for a moment before a joyful laugh started out of his mouth anew and he picked me up and spun me in a circle. He gave me a solid kiss on the mouth before leaning back and grinning._

 _"_ _This is the beginning of everything,_ everything, _Sabrina!"_

.-.-.-.

I don't think I realized what I got myself into when I married a fairy.

After crashing my first wedding, it took us awhile to find any sort of reconciliation. There was Bradley to think about, and when Puck asked for my hand-how tactless did Puck think I was, asking me to marry him right in the middle of our ceremony?-to my credit, despite my initial excitement to see him, I said no. I was mad at him for gallivanting around the world without a single word to me, even when he claimed that he had just lost track of time.

Five years wasn't much compared to four thousand, I guess.

Even when I let myself understand that, I still punished him like he had unwittingly done to me. I wasn't known as _stubborn,_ and _hotheaded_ for nothing. Part of me wanted to just go out and buy dozens of cats and make him sit around for a hundred years out of spite. But I've never had that great of luck when it comes to hiding my feelings for Puck.

It only took three months of him popping up everywhere-my workplace, the door of my apartment, and, once, the window of my own bedroom right before I was about to undress (that particular instance ended with a few well-deserved bruises for Puck)-for the buried feelings to resurface. I had been so sure that I loved Bradley, but I found that it was a sorry counterfeit for what Puck and I shared.

It seemed that I was never destined to escape him.

When I finally gave in and started dating Puck, I found that my future self had been right; he did get a little less obnoxious when he aged, even if not by much. Now, Fate be cursed, I found that his slightly matured humor actually _appealed_ to me. His antics were now viewed by my mind as a break from the monotony that I had been unknowingly trapped in. It was unbelievable, inexcusable, but there I was enjoying his presence more than I'd ever thought possible.

At that time, nevertheless, I was sure that we would end up splitting again because neither of us had ever been that good at staying around.

This thought, however, was shattered when on one completely random day he made a simple remark that made me snort into my drink. An offhand thought popped into my head that I really did love him and his dumb jokes. Upon this revelation, I had promptly choked on the liquid that had been trying to make the journey to my roiling stomach. He had given me a crazed look and a comment that his joke hadn't been _that_ funny. But he didn't see what I had finally consciously thought.

 _Good heavens no, when-how did this happen?_

I had fallen completely in love with him.

Why? I've asked myself that very question many times. Maybe it was the way he knew exactly what made me tick, for better or worse, or maybe it was the extremely attractive face that he'd grown into. Perhaps it was the borderline bipolar way he would cater to me when he was truly concerned for me.

Though I'm pretty sure the real answer was that it was a mixture of the little things that made the ragged edges of our passionate natures imperceptibly fit together.

We were married some time later, and the first year of our marriage was as magical as you can imagine when your husband is an Everafter. We still had our rocky moments, of course-times when I would throw him out to the couch or when he would leave me in the rain outside of the Anderson statue until I promised to fill in for him at one of his meetings, but we always came back to each other with a stronger bond.

The first thing that hit me when it occurred to me that I had married a fairy-the King of fairies, no less-was that I had gone from a 'peasant' to a Queen. The Everafters were understandably unsure of me, as I was with them. But I was determined to do all I could, now fully committed since my old adolescent anger had cooled towards them. I made strides to better Faerie and the quality of life for the Everafters. I already had a good background, considering the time I had spent with my mother fixing Faerie from the sidelines, and soon something like admiration for me grew in their hearts. I had married a kingdom just as much as a King.

Puck would occasionally mutter that I loved the people more than him, and I would simply laugh at him, pulling him to yet another project and more of his hated paperwork.

Despite all of the kindness that all of the people had started to show me, I don't think I quite expected the way that Faerie exploded with excitement the first time I was pregnant. I couldn't seem to go even a day without someone offering to carry me around or cater to my every whim.

I felt sicker than I had ever in my life, but I was overjoyed with the strange and lovely torture that I had willingly chosen. Puck, lest you think that he was inattentive, practically turned into another person-or, more accurately, let his protective instinct for me come forward in full force. Gone were the days when I could just get out for a walk alone in the private gardens without being molested, as Puck always seemed to find me and demand what I was doing not resting. It took more than one lecture on pregnancies with both I and Titania to convince him that I wasn't an invalid because of my condition.

These talks, of course, brought forth his boyish curiosity about things that he didn't understand.

"So, are you going to get, like, huge?" he had asked with wide eyes. I then slapped his arm appropriately before answering.

My family had also been extremely happy for me, even Henry, who had come to terms with our marriage after I had explained that Puck was good for me. Thankfully, it seemed that Puck's protectiveness over me while I was pregnant solidified his positive outlook towards Puck.

That happiness, so much like a fragile glass sculpture, shattered into pieces when, four months into my pregnancy, I had my first miscarriage.

.-.-.-.

 _I had been sick all day, and while I was happy to become a mother, I wasn't sure how many more times I could stand getting out of my warm bed to throw up. After what was hopefully my last nightly excursion to the bathroom, I slipped back into bed, too tired to sleep._

 _"_ _I hope that we have a daughter."_

 _Puck's whisper tickled the back of my neck. I rolled over to find him wide awake, and I blinked at him._

 _Unsure of what else to say, I asked, "_ _Why?"_

 _A blush stole across his features._

 _"_ _I guess...I guess I want her to look like you."_

.-.-.-.

I was inconsolable for a long while, letting no one in the hospital room and pretending to sleep when they forced their way in. I all too soon had to face everyone once my recovery period was over and I left the solitary protection of the specially Everafter staffed medical wing in Faerie.

My family was there to talk to me-and there were so many voices and condolences, worries and questions-even ones from Mr. Canis with a hooded gaze (he, I realized, knew the best of them some semblance of how I felt, having seen first hand as the Wolf ripped screaming children from sobbing mothers). I then returned to my bedroom and did all that I could to bypass all of my worried subjects. I went to my bed and sat there alone, drowning out the sounds of the outside with a pillow over my ears.

I can still hear the echoing of the blood behind my ears.

Then Puck was bursting through the door, all emotion, surely with a thousand things he was burning to ask to me ("Why didn't you let me in?" "Are you okay?" "How do you feel?") but he didn't say a single thing once I turned to look at him with watery eyes. We stared at each other until I sat up and held my arms open and he stumbled forward and met me with a fierce yet gentle embrace. I hadn't cried the whole time at the hospital or when my family had greeted me; I'd been too numb. But it all welled up with a vengeance and I choked and hiccuped on my sobs, clinging to Puck like he was my life preserver in the middle of bare ocean.

We didn't speak for a long time.

At first, I didn't want to risk ever going through that again, but the thought of all the times that Puck and I had dreamed together of what our children could be like, I approached him about it. With a lot of careful healing for heart and soul, we decided to try again. But life just went downhill from there.

After the fourth confirmed miscarriage, and who knows how many other early ones, I was a mess. Every time I would go a little further and, against my will, get caught up in the hope of it all. But that hope was to no avail. It started to feel like I couldn't go anywhere in Faerie without the whispers of sorry spectators following me.

 _Perhaps a fairy and a human were never meant to mix._

More than anything, I wanted to know why this kept happening; so I put my grief aside to look for answers. I avoided mortal hospitals and medication because I knew if they realized that my child was half fairy, there would be too many questions to answer. My doctor situation was just as complicated. The Everafter doctors that I had were good for what they knew, but none of them had specific modern medical degrees for what I needed.

I broke down and visited a mortal doctor with my mother, wanting to know if it was something that could be fixed, figuring that as long as I wasn't currently pregnant, there shouldn't be any magic for them to scratch their heads at.

The obstetrician was kind but confused as she looked me over and ran several scans. She told me that I was one of the healthiest women that she had ever analyzed and that any miscarriage would be due to outside problems.

When I got back into the passenger side of my mother's car, I buried my face in my hands, breathing deeply to keep the upset at bay. Did Fate simply _hate_ me? After all the work it took to fall in love with Puck and all of the moments when it felt like we wouldn't work out as a committed couple, we had managed what I had thought was impossible with getting married. All of this only to find that part of our dream wasn't going to come true.

My mother put her hand gently on my back.

"Sabrina, honey, I think I know why this has been so hard for your body."

I looked up at her. She was biting her lip.

"You and Puck are the first human-fairy match that has ever happened. His DNA-if fairies have DNA like humans-must be very different. That and the fact that your body has never reacted well to magic...that must be the reason."

 _Perhaps a fairy and a human were never meant to mix._

Oh, how it hurt. She was right, but it hurt so bad that my head ached.

When I told this haltingly to Puck, he had instantly blamed himself for my pain. It took a lot of yelling and trading self-blame before we both stopped, gasping for breath. Tears were streaking down both of our faces. Then Puck shook his head, stepped forward, and crossed his arms, face set.

"Since when have we ever let impossible odds stop us?"

Perhaps it was extremely rare serious expression that he had taken on, but I starting laughing too hard for the situation. Puck joined in after a moment and we stayed curled up in each other's arms until the sun was well past the horizon.

"I love you, Stinky," he'd whispered, using his strange ability to make an insult affectionate.

I'd bitten back a sob at that because, how could he have possibly known how much I needed love at that moment?

I whispered it back because if I said it as loud as I wanted to, the whole kingdom would've been awakened.

.-.-.-.

 _I trip over my own feet with a moan. Puck's arm snakes around my waist, his brow furrowing._

 _"_ _Grimm, are you sure that you're alright? I've never seen you this sick."_

 _"_ _I'm just fine." I assure him firmly, pulling out of his arms. I stand on my own two feet._

 _"_ _See?" I say, but after only a few steps I crumple to the ground with a loud cry, watching in horror as a red stain soaks through my jeans from the insides of my thighs._

 _Puck is down to help me in an instant, and as my vision slowly blinks out, all I can hear is Puck screaming_ _for help._

.-.-.-.

The hospital room is quiet.

I open my eyes slowly, finding the wall instead of the ceiling because the back of my bed is elevated. I feel strangely calm as I studied the wall, my mind trying to join the false peace that was settled all around me.

"You're awake."

I turn my head to find Puck staring at me from a chair that was set by my bedside.

Oh, I was doomed now. My throat started to burn like fire. How could I look him in the eyes and wonder _what if?_ What if my body didn't react horribly to having a half fairy child? What if we could just have a normal, _whole_ family?

"Puck, I don't know what happened. Everything was fine and then...it wasn't."

"Sabrina, I've never blamed you. It's all going to be alright."

But was it? How could he of all people say that?

Raw emotion surged up and out of my mouth.

"You don't understand. I lost a _child,_ Puck! Again!"

His gaze hardened. "I lost a child every time, too, you know."

I felt my eyes water, he was right-why was I such a mess? This kind of loss, it wasn't anything new.

So why did it _feel so fresh?_

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean it that way." I whisper, putting my face into my hands.

Puck carefully pried my hands off of my face and made me look him in the eyes.

"It's alright, Sabrina. Calm down, I understand what you're feeling."

It hadn't occurred to me until then that Puck was the only one with empathy for what I was going through.

And there I had been, yelling at him. How could I possibly deserve him?

I pulled my hands away, resting them clenched in my lap. I glared at them-wishing that they could solve my problems.

I muttered bitterly, "I can't even do this; the one thing that women are required to participate in to keep a species alive." The sterile walls reflected how blank and empty I felt on the inside.

Puck nearly fell out of his chair, gaping and then leaned forward.

"Where in the world did you get an idea like that?" he whispered intensely, taking my hand.

I looked away, ashamed of my own clawing feelings. In a satirical glancing tone I answered, "Well, _you_ used to say it all the time."

I gave him a false grandiose grin (like this was all a good jest), but it didn't make me feel any better.

His grip on my hand tightened infinitesimally.

"I was only ever joking, you-you know that." His voice was strained. He cursed himself aside before looking back to me.

"I never should've said stuff like that to you. I'm sorry."

I blinked tiredly at him, more empty than anything else.

"I'm not mad at you," I said hollowly. "I just want to go home."

He moved to lay next to me on the bed next to me and kissed my cheek softly.

"Sweetheart, don't worry. We will, we will. But we have to wait first..." his voice dropped off into a sigh. Our hands found each other and our fingers intertwined, making little clinking noises when our wedding rings touched.

We didn't have to wait long, as soon a nurse knocked politely on the side door before walking in. Her face was blank until she met my eyes and she gave me a gentle smile. I steeled myself. They were always nice-genuine even-when they broke the news.

She gave a respectful nod to Puck, obviously recognizing him as the King of Faerie. He just narrowed his eyes at her, his hold tightening on my hand, hating her only for the news that she would give.

"Mr. and Mrs. Grimm?" she said only for protocol, tapping the clipboard in her hands. Puck nodded in response, body tense.

She turned her attention to me, her eyes going over the clipboard. "Sabrina, your body has been treated for stress and your baby was taken to intensive care; weight 3 pounds, 4 ounces."

I gritted my teeth and jammed my eyes shut. Just get out with it already!

"Your baby girl had liquid that needed to be expelled from her lungs..." I let her voice drone on, letting my mind ice over. I didn't need all of the gory details. Heavens, I hadn't even wanted to know the gender. I didn't think I could do this again, it was too much.

Puck's hand suddenly became slack on my own, drawing me out of my mental darkness.

I snapped my eyes open because, no, I couldn't do this without him, without holding onto something-

"Mrs. Grimm, _Sabrina._ " I looked up at the nurse wildly, and out of the corner of my eye, I caught Puck's floor struck expression.

"Ma'am, do you want to go see your daughter? We stabilized her condition about an hour ago."

I stared at her owlishly, my mouth dry.

"What?"

The nurse gave me another smile, bigger this time, and for a moment I thought that she was going to laugh and say, _just kidding, I wanted to see your reaction._

But life is full of surprises.

"She was born prematurely, but it's nothing that can't be taken care of. We'll be watching her closely, but we are assured that everything will go well as all of her vital organs are functioning properly. It would do you both good to go see her."

Then, like she hadn't said anything earth shattering, she walked out of the room to give us some privacy.

I looked over to Puck, my heart beating so hard and fast that I was sure that it was going to burst. He didn't seem to be able to stop himself as a grin spread across his face, lively and brilliant. He reached forwards and pulled me into a hug, his body trembling with happiness. I was still a stiff, unyielding chunk of stone, trying desperately to thaw out my emotions.

"Sabrina." Puck whispered, pressing our foreheads together.

I swallowed, staring into his sparkling green eyes.

"Is it...is it all a dream?" My voice sounded small and scared, my eyes wide.

His smile was so large I was surprised that it didn't split his face.

"Are you ready to see her?"

A feeling of sweet hope bloomed in my soul where desolation had once taken root.

I squeezed his hand and kissed him lightly, suddenly unable to hold back the curve of my own smile.

"I'm ready."

.-.-.-.

 **AN: Aww, happy ending! I'll be a sap for joy any day of the week. The idea for this story came to me when I started to think more about the fact that Puck and Sabrina are indeed different species, even if fairies are humanoid. As much as I want everything to go smoothly for them, I found that it didn't feel believable that they wouldn't have any issues having kids.**

 **Also, I send out my love for any women who go through this trial. I've seen some very independent, strong women who have had to go through this, and my heart goes out to them.**

 **I really wish there was a better genre to put this story under, but sadly nothing fits exactly, because while it is a tragedy in it's own right, that just didn't feel right to me. Anyways, hope none of you cried (too hard) and that this story effected you like it effected me to write it.**

 **And in case it wasn't clear, the little flashback scenes are during Sabrina's _first_ pregnancy, not any other subsequent ones. **

**I love all of you who review, it makes me inspired to gear down and write more.**

 **-Pinklily8**

 **PS: The baby girl at the end is Alison who, as we know, grows out of infancy.**


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